Compassion For Dummies: A Cheat Sheet for the Emotionally Inept

Have you ever wanted to say something appropriate, to convey empathy and comfort to a friend going through crisis? Maybe a serious loss, life altering medical diagnosis, trauma, or crime has occured. You find yourself either speechless or saying stupid hurtful cliches. (If you EVER find yourself saying "All things work together for good..." to a rape victim, or "It's probably better, the baby would likely have been deformed" to a grieving mother...smack yourself, read and print this list, carry it in your wallet)

Choose One that fits the situation, say it, and shut up for awhile. Tip your head to the side slightly and nod sympathetically when the person talks.

I'm sad with you over this situation.
I am sorry this happened to you.
I believe you.
You are safe here.
It is alright to mourn what you have lost.
It is normal to feel ________. (Whatever they seem to feel, betrayed, hurt, angry, sad, lonely)
I'm here to listen. (Then, you shut up and listen or it doesn't count)
I don't have the answers right now, but I'll help you find out.
Are you safe now?
How are you sleeping since ________ happened?
What are your concerns?
I'm glad you told me.
You are not alone, not anymore.
You didn't deserve to be treated that way.
You are not to blame.
You are not responsible for _______'s behavior.
I am so glad you survived it, you mean so much to me.
Can I pray with you?
What do you want to happen now and how can I help?
It is ok to feel angry sometimes...even healthy.
There will be better days ahead, hold on!

These are just a few of the safe things to say, to convey support and love. Try them out! It works so much better than saying something stupid!

Healing Is a Choice By: Stephen Arterburn

“Healing Is A Choice” is a classic Christian self-help book. It was recently republished with some nice new elements to it, and here I am reviewing it. The basic premis of the book is that, healing is indeed a choice, that we can stay mired in our woundedness and fester, or we can choose to heal. This book highlights ten decisions that the author finds critical to make in the healing process, and ten lies that keep us from making those healing choices.

The new revised and updated version of this book incorporates the workbook into the book. I suppose this is handy, in that it keeps them together. However, being somewhat of a bibliophile, I like to keep my books clean and nice. If I really like a book, I like to pass it on to someone who will enjoy it or benefit from it as much as I did, and I like to pass it on in good condition. I also tend to mark up my workbooks, highlight, write in the margins, and journal about things I don't wish to pass along to my friends. So, for me, having the workbook in the text is a drawback.

Finally, I am not sure the book “works”. Maybe, I'm just not in a place to accept what it says. I'm ok with that possibly being the case. I am just not sure that healing is a choice. Sometimes, pain is inevitable, and there isn't much we can do to recover from some things. I think that is the brokenness of life that makes us long for our heavenly home, where we will be completely healed and eternally well in our bodies and souls. This is the healing I long for, that I don't think we often get this side of heaven. I think it is not a choice on our part really. We hold up nothing but empty wounded hands, and God graciously pours out blessings, forgiveness, grace, and healing because of the finished work of Christ on our behalf. I feel a bit ambivalent about the book, but it is well written, and it may be my own woundedness that keeps me from recommending it whole heartedly.

I was given a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=9780785232438

His Eye is On the Sparrow....

Last night was one of those difficult nights. I was in pain, and alone, and very easily could have given into despair. It was cold, windy and stormy. Life has been uncertain and overwhelming lately, and God felt very far away. I began to wonder if God had created me for pain, to be an object of his wrath, because this life has been very hard. I called out to God, and told him how much it hurts, how alone I feel, and all the questions racing through my unquieted mind. There was no answer, and I laid down in bed, to listen to the storm outside. I closed my eyes and listened to it rage and howl all around me, while I was safe and warm; and I felt peace envelope me. It was not quite like a blanket. Some of you may feel uncomfortable with me saying so, but I felt arms wrap around me, just as tangible as if someone were laying next to me. All my fear just left, and I rested, really deeply relaxed and rested.

Then, I heard a song bird, in the dark, in the cold fall weather, at night in the pouring rain...I thought, "this is trippy, I really am hallucinating now. It is the wrong season, weather and time of day for songbirds". I opened my eyes, and just on the other side of my window, between my pillow and my glass of ice water...was this:

He stayed and sang till the storm was done. Matthew 10:28-31 says "²⁸ Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. ²⁹ Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.^{[a] 30} And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Do not be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."

What an incredible reminder of God's faithfulness and provision. He cares, and I'm His, and nothing on earth can take away one second of one day that He has preplanned for me. I have all the time I need to accomplish everything He has for me to do, and I have all the resources to complete the work He has for me and do it well. There is nothing I lack, that he does not already have. There is no crisis, or strained relationship, or economic hardship, loss, or medical diagnosis that can surprise Him. I have no suffering that He can not redeem, God doesn't waste time, or pain. More importantly, He doesn't waste the lives of His children. I was created for a purpose, and I am loved, known, seen, cared for, and don't need to fear. I am resting in the arms of my Father, who loves me.

Why Men Hate Going to Church

The basic premise of this book is that men hate going to church, unless they are particularly effeminate to begin with. He argues that men don't talk, think or act this way under normal circumstances. He paints a clear picture of what it means to be male, with very broad sweeping strokes. I have a few books on manhood that I would LOVE to recommend to the author, Mr. David Murrow.

While gang members and prison inmates may not relate to one another as we do in church, business men and corporate executives might. There is more to manhood than machismo. One can not say that compassion for one another is feminine or soft, for example. Our love for one another is how we are to be differentiated from the rest of the world. The analogy is made that Sunday morning church is like a prostate exam. It may save your life, but no one is looking forward to it. I suggest young men aren't in church because they don't want to be told what to do. Nothing offends a young mans fragile ego than being told he is not the ultimate authority. I think this accounts for why young men in their 20's are so under represented in the church. Real men don't whine and make excuses about what they don't like, they follow the example of Jesus and humbly serve those around them in love. That may not sound macho, but this isn't a locker room competition, this is real life. It's time for men to be man enough to unashamedly love their church.

*I was received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review*

Buy it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Hate-Going-Church/dp/078523215X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1310582055&sr=1-1

Life, In Spite of Me

"Life, In Spite of Me" is the story of Kristen Jane Anderson. Everyone has a story. I particularly enjoy hearing those that have the theme of redemption written all over their lives. I firmly believe that God doesn't waste pain, even the most horrendous experiences shape and mold us into who God wants us to be. God redeems our suffering. Kristen's story is full of suffering, psychological suffering, deaths, emotional pain, and rape drive her to the breaking point. She tries to commit suicide, and yet her life is spared. In the process she loses both legs. How can this possibly be a story of redemption? Can anything ever make up for this kind of pain? Is there ever hope in this kind of agony? As you read this book, you would think that there is no way out of this situation, and no way to make it livable, and then God steps in. It begins to be clear where the hand of God has been on her life through it all, and how he has a good plan for her life, a plan to prosper her and not to harm her. She goes on to do beautiful things, and build a life, that she may have never had with her legs. I recommend you read the book if you want to know the rest! Enjoy!
*I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review*

Life is More Than Striving and Work...Lessons in Cat-sitting

I'm not generally one to waste my resources on girlie pursuits. It's not that I don't like things to be pretty, or enjoy fashionable clothing; it just doesn't normally seem practical or fit with my lifestyle. My clothes are for covering my body. My make up routine consists of washing my face with warm water, and applying chapstick. I use a men's razor because it is the same as the women's razor, but not as frilly or pink, and is less expensive. My animals all have a purpose. Goats for milk. Outdoor cats for pest control. Chickens for eggs and meat. I have a pair of work boots, a pair of flip flops, and a pair of heels for wearing to church. I'm considering adding a pair of practical black flats, since the heels are open toed and winter is approaching. I don't understand why anyone needs more than one pair of any type of shoe. For example, why own two pairs of running shoes if you can only run in one pair at a time?

The other day, I did something completely out of character. I borrowed a cat. I have half grown cats already, kittens we got this spring. They eat the mice in the barn and they get in the house and keep the mice out, or kill any they find indoors, and we throw them back out again. This is a different sort of cat though. He is a pudgy, middle aged, fastidiously clean, fluffy companion animal. He hides while the kids are awake and only comes out to join me in the quiet hours of the evening and night, and early morning devotional time. He has no practical use. I put the kids to bed and he comes out of hiding. We each have a little dinner and go lounge in the bed. There is once again, the comforting sounds of someone snoring on the other side of the bed at night, that has been missing since Chris took a night job in June. There is someone to have my bedtime snack with, and to sit quietly with when the sun is coming up. I have become one of those people who have an animal in their house, though I let him outside to go potty.

It's kind of nice actually, after he goes home, I may have to let one of my cats be an indoor cat after all. I don't have to share him with anyone, and the only reason he is here is that I enjoy him. He's quite pretty. His ample pudge keeps my feet warm at night and my lap warm over morning coffee. Sometimes, I get so busy, doing all the things that need done, or learning all the things I want to read up on and learn, that I don't do or have anything for simple pleasure of enjoying them. It has me thinking and reflecting on how I used to destress. I can't recall my last painting, or when I stopped sketching. I think I'll slow down and do things just to enjoy them again. I've missed that. I've missed the ability to have something so frivolous as a pet, or to do things because I want to. It feels lazy almost, and I like it! So there! :) Life is more than striving and work.

Out Of A Far Country By: Christopher and Angela Yuan

Out of A Far Country chronicles the true story of Christopher Yuan, the son of two prosperous Chinese immigrants, who had, through their moral living and hard work, established a successful dentistry practice and raised two sons they hoped would join the family business. Christopher, the younger of the two, rebels when he goes away to school. Rejecting the traditional values of his upbringing, he lives a promiscuous lifestyle, begins dealing and using drugs, and spends less time on his studies. He flunks out of school, dishonors and deserts his family, and brings his mother to the breaking point. God intervenes in this family, and weaves a beautiful story of redemption of sinners, and reconciliation of a son to his parents, husbands to wives, and a family to himself. It is a touching testimony of the goodness of God, who makes beauty from ashes. One thing I feel readers should bear in mind when reading this story, is that Christopher's story is his story, he doesn't represent ALL Chinese people, or all men, or all gay men. In my circle of friends I have many who identify themselves with the LGBT community. Most of them have never touched methamphetamines or crack cocaine. I think the danger here is that people will read this story and assume that it is indicative of gay culture in general. I think it describes many things well about the party circuit, that both gays and straights involve themselves in. But, it is so often lauded as a book about a gay man turning from his lifestyle. However, it seems more about a partier gone sober, a rebel turned preacher, and a lost man found. He drops his drug addiction and chooses to identify himself as more than his sexuality. He embraces celibacy, which seems like a wise move for an HIV+ person anyway. This is not the story of a gay man turned straight. It is the story of a lost son found, a life turned around, and restoration. If you are looking for a happy story of a man who suppresses his feelings into non-existence and gets married to a woman and makes babies, this isn't it. If you are looking for an honest story of grace displayed to sinners, and restoration, this is your book.

*I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.*

The Book of Man: Readings on the Path to Manhood, By William J. Bennett

Dr. Bennett has written a remarkable book of readings on manhood. It draws from the writings, profiles, letters, prayers, and so forth of great heroic men of history. Each reading in some way extols one or more of these key values of manhood: honor, duty, valor, and integrity. The readings are grouped together by category, based on what arena of life they address: war, work, leisure, the polis, relating to women and children, and prayer.

One thing I love about the book, is the richness that these historical heroes bring to the text. Boys need heroes, they need role models, that help them aspire to appropriate displays of manliness and to real manhood that our culture has abandoned today. I've begun reading aloud these stories to my sons, who seem hungry for another story as soon as I am done. To name just a few of the many men whose lives and wisdom and examples he draws from in this book, there is: Colin Powell, Winston Churchill, William the Conqueror, Alexander the Great, Benjamin Franklin, Robert Louis Stevenson, Theodore Roosevelt. I could go on and on, and that is just the first chapter. I can not say enough good things about this book. It is also a big book, there is simply a lot of content, keeping even a reader like me, happy for some time. Another plus is that is is very beautifully bound, with nice paper and a good feel to it in your hand, making it an excellent gift for a graduate or new father or husband.

For more information or to purchase, please follow this link:
http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=9781595552716

or on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Book-Man-Readings-Path-Manhood/dp/1595552715/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315946388&sr=1-1

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book from Thomas Nelson in exchange for my honest review.

What Does The Earth Sound Like? By: Eva Everything

I had the pleasure of receiving an advance reading copy of The Brain Cafe's Eva Everything's latest book "What Does The Earth Sound Like?" Every page has a different random, ridiculous, and amazing science question on one side, with multiple choice possible answers below, the answers are just a turn of the page away, with a short paragraph of explanation. This little book is stuffed FULL of interesting science trivia tidbits. My kids and I love picking it up at random and quizzing ourselves and each other, and learning new facts. We use the book while waiting for snack time, or when Grandma had to leave after her visit and kids needed distracted. I know it'll be indispensable on road trips and long shopping trips. I think it'd be a great gift book for people recovering from illness or stuck in the hospital after surgery, or for use as an ice breaker in any small support group setting, or casual party game.

*I received a free copy of this book from ECW Press, in exchange for my honest opinion of the book*

Hope Bracelets

The hope bracelet is a light purple silicone band with a name on it, designed to connect the suffering with the prayerful. Every name is a specific woman that has come forward with her story of domestic violence and rape to www.notthisgirl.com (a local community of hope in Grand Rapids, MI)

Today, in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I have several of these bracelets to give away! If you'd like one, e-mail me (theotherwonch@gmail.com) or send me a fb message. They'll go to the first 9 people to claim one.

Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul, By: Anne Steele

Dear refuge of my weary soul, On Thee, when sorrows rise On Thee, when waves of trouble roll, My fainting hope relies To Thee I tell each rising grief, For Thou alone canst heal Thy Word can bring a sweet relief, For every pain I feel But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail, I fear to call Thee mine The springs of comfort seem to fail, And all my hopes decline Yet gracious God, where shall I flee? Thou art my only trust And still my soul would cleave to Thee Though prostrate in the dust Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face, And shall I seek in vain? And can the ear of sovereign grace, Be deaf when I complain? No still the ear of sovereign grace, Attends the mourner's prayer Oh may I ever find access, To breathe my sorrows there Thy mercy seat is open still, Here let my soul retreat With humble hope attend Thy will, And wait beneath Thy feet, Thy mercy seat is open still, Here let my soul retreat With humble hope attend Thy will, And wait beneath Thy feet

Our Last Great Hope: Awakening The Great Commission, By Ronnie Floyd

Ronnie Floyd takes on the often neglected task of sounding the alarm and waking the sleeping church, reminding them of the high calling of their savior before he left this earth, the great commission. Some books are just deeply satisfying to read. This is not one of those books. In fact, this one stirs a hunger, a ravenous desire, a discontentment with the status quo, and a passion for the advancement of Christ's kingdom and the saving of souls for His glory that has long been missing in popular Christian music, culture and literature.

The author highlights the practical and convicting applications of this command in a challenging book to struggle through in that it holds up our lives to the standard of scripture. It pulled no punches as I faced the truth about myself, and then about the church. As it went on to sound the urgent alarm, it fanned a fire underneath me. It was chapter four that I found the most applicable to my own life, as I examined what the great commission looks like in the home. As a mother, who wants to train my children well and raise them up as disciples, this was powerful and equipping! This is really where this book gripped me. I've never given a book my wholehearted approval in a written review, but this one is excellent. Every Christian, new to the faith or veteran prayer warrior, should pick up this book.

*I recieved a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review, which was not required to be positive.*

For more information or to purchase:

http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=9780849947070

http://www.amazon.com/Our-Last-Great-Hope-Commission/dp/0849947073/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1312827759&sr=1-1

My Knights In Shining Armour are All Women...

I've noticed a major shift in my life recently, that at first seemed almost imperceptible, but I've come to realize reflects a whole new way of being and viewing myself. My life has largely been formed, in positive and negative ways, by the influence of the men in my life, from the very early stages, I knew who I was because of who they were to me and who I was to them. Father, brothers, Uncles, cousins, youth leaders, pastors, employers, husbands, boyfriends...they told me who I was, they provided that steady feedback, sometimes to my benefit, sometimes to my shame and pain, too often to my near destruction. The women all around me were largely ignored, they were just there. My friends were mostly male as well. Then it occurs to me today, all my close friends now are female...and this is a good thing. These people that really matter, that I'm doing life with, that encourage me and challenge me, my knights in shining armour...are women. Even those to whom I am not close but simply observing and learn from, are female but it is my role models, big sister figures, lil' sister substitutes, extra moms and Aunties are holding my world together right now. The things I want to learn, they are best equipped to teach me. The pain I walk through in life, they are best equipped to understand. There is a new openness of communication because their motives are never tainted with the possibility of immoral thoughts or the awkwardness of the gender gap. The people I can best understand are girls who are about to do the stupid things I have done, and maybe they'll listen and go do other stupid things, or maybe they'll chose something nobler. The major events and challenges of my life aren't man centered anymore, they are womanly...and those involved in it are dear sweet women in all different phases and stages of life. It feels good. Everyone needs extra Mamas, Aunties, Sisters, Role Models, Exhorters, Friends...I'm blessed to have so many. Today, I felt wretched, just really sick, and wanted comfort. I didn't want my brother, or my dad...guys are there to fix things that go wrong sure...but I wanted to get online and on the phone and in person, and talk with the women who love me...my Mamas, Aunties and Sisters, who comfort and nurture me...(and my real mom too, but she was busy with the grandbabies, thank you Mom!) It is a big scary world out there, but women make it cozy, they huddle in around you when you need them in ways that men can't. This may seem wrong to some, but there are many ways my female friends know me better than my husband, and understand me differently. AND, I want it that way...a NO BOYS ALLOWED space. I don't hate men, but they change the dynamics just by entering a group or situation, and in some cases, that's not good. A little man free space to grow is good. I'm not saying leave the men out, but they really would rather be playing basketball or hanging out at the bar, or whatever they like, than sitting around sipping herbal teas and quilting, swapping birth stories, and all those other more difficult conversations we have and trials we bear together. I want to get to the teen years of my kids and not regret it, like Kathy Murray and Kay Sheridan. I'd like to hold it together and do what needs done like Dana Scott with her kids. I'd like to know what I think and believe and not give into fear, and serve people around me whether they like it or not like Shirley Miller. I'd like to homeschool my children well and teach them the Bible and to love it and obey it, and run an organized home like Cathy. I'd like the words that come out of my mouth to be nurturing and healing and life giving balm like Mama K. I'd like to be someone strong enough to listen to what my friends are going through, soft enough to be compassionate, firm enough to call it like I see it, wise enough to give good advice but still know when to say "I dunno ask this resource" like Colleen. AND, every now and then, I'd like about half the energy of Stephanie or Kay F...but you know, I've come to far to actually want to be a teenage girl EVER again...but still I love the bubbly effervescence they exude. :) I just never thought I'd experience church in a way that was so womanly. (Though, we are blessed with gifted male teachers, preachers and pastors...that's not what I'm sayin' here, ok) Godly women have become indispensable to me, in a way I've always wanted, and always believed should come from the approval of men. I feel so freed from that, and encouraged, and I feel the approval of my Father God that this spiritual community around me encourages me to go after.

Foamin' Fun?

I have to admit it, this product smells great and the foaming feature is fantastic. Just squeeze the bottle and it shoots prelathered suds out for you. Entertaining? Yes. A must have? Probably not. While I love that the line of baby bath supplies does not contain parabens, sulfates, phthalates and so on, some of the ingredients made me wonder. Unlike the ointment I reviewed earlier, I can't pronounce the ingredients past "water". What is coco-glucoside, sodium lauroyl sacrosine, glycerol oleate, cocamidopropyl, PG-dimonium chloride phosphate, methylchloroisothiazolinone, and methylisothiazolinone? I'm not sure it is something I am going to rub on my baby...not even if the label makes toxin free and natural promises. The ingredients don't sound naturally occuring to me. I don't know though. Do any of you have a PG-dimonium chloride phosphate tree or maybe a methylchlorooisothiazolinone bush hanging around your yard. It's possible. Somehow, "specially formulated with natural, plant based ingredients" doesn't sound right here and I'm not going to spend my whole evening googling it to find out. You can purchase it here:http://www.amazon.com/BabyGanics-Foaming-Soothing-Lavender-10-65-Fluid/dp/B0038QQ7TQ/ref=sr_1_3?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1316919427&sr=1-3 It does smell really great. I used it on myself and it got me clean and was very amusing and foamy. It also made me itchy, wishing I had reviewed the fragrance free one. BUT, hey, *I am not paid for my use or review of this product*, so there is my opinion.

Product Review for BabyGanics Healin' Groovey Non-Petroleum Protective Ointment

*I am not renumerated for my use or review of this product*

I have to say, first and foremost, the number one thing I like about this company is it's committment to quality. This product is fragrance free, contains no parabens, no sulfates, no phthalates, no toxins, no petroleum, no mineral oil, no artificial colors, nut products, glutens, or perfumes. I can pronounce everything in this product, from coconut oil, jojoba oil, lanolin on down, the ingredients look safe enough to eat. Secondly, I liked that this product comes in a big ol' tub! I hate getting the last bit out of a tube. Thirdly, this is useable. It has a pleasant texture that spreads easily. Fourth, it works with cloth diapers. That may sound odd, but if you have cloth diapered long, you realize that petroleum based barrier creams to prevent diaper rash, absorb into cloth diapers and reduce the absorbability of the diaper. This doesn't do that. It also washes out clean on the first rinse. Fifth, it works. One of my children in particular is prone to diaper rash when he wears cloth diapers at night. This completely prevents the rash from ever appearing. If I happen to forget to apply it, well, it helps clear it up pretty quickly too. Overall, I absolutely LOVE this product and give it 5 stars. I burnt myself today, and found it very soothing as well! The only draw back I can see is the cost. When I looked this product up online...well, there was sticker shock. This can be reduced by buying the big ol' ub instead of the tiny tube. Let's face it, if you have a baby, you'll be changing diapers for awhile, you'll use it. Also, you can subscribe to have it sent automatically at a specified interval at a lower rate. This brings it down to about 98 cents an ounce, which seems like a deal to me for the quality of the product. It can be purchased by following this link: http://www.amazon.com/Babyganics-Non-Petroleum-Protective-Ointment-15-Ounce/dp/B004BYUQJQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1316917162&sr=8-1 I think this would make a fantastic baby shower gift basket item for any mom to be.

A Poem I Wrote for My Young Friends

She is an always happy beauty,
who is really very sad.
Who is always in LOVE
with those who treat her bad.
And she thinks they'll make her feel good,
but inside she's empty still
aways reaching out and longing
for what only he can fill.
But she must not know who He is
who will make her lovely still
and she wont see what is happening
and I pray one day she will...

See the little birds all around you
but know that they're not yours
hold on to it loosely
do no harm
and watch it soar

Oh little bird
I want you
I'll break your wings
so you can't fly
little bird then you'll need me
and when you heal
you'll still be mine
and though you may not like it
living in your cage
I'll call it love and I will keep you
into our old age

See the butterfly in the garden
fleeting beauty
gracing your eyes
Snuff it's life and pin it down
kept forever
there she lies.

I call it love and admiration
under glass and on display
and I'll look at you in wonder
and never let you play

Wild flower in the meadow
swaying in a breeze
I'll cut you down
so I can own you
and press you as I please
and my eyes will rest upon you
the pretty object I have made
from what used to be living
now useless and afraid

That's what they do to beauty
void it of it's essence
and keep the empty shell
long after the grace has left
and the dance is long done
you don't care what you have wasted
so long as she's your own

I can not mend the wings
of a bird that will not fly
I can't unpin the monarch
and return it to the sky
and I can not plant the flower
you cut off from her base
and she can not keep on thriving
in this dieing place

So say
"I need ressurection
I need my miracle
I need to put down roots
in places that I know
I need to be connected
to my loving source
till I can not contain it
and life comes spilling forth"

I can't do it for you
but I will tell you what is true
and when you are ready
I'll stand up next to you
and when you are weary
temptations will not end
but I will hold you up in truth
and say that I'm your friend.

Life can be so busy
you hear so many voices
But choose to hear what matters
and make some better choices

For what ever reason, my blog decided not to let me post comments under my entries today. So, here is some follow up on what I posted last night.

Reply to Mama K

I actually don't flashback anymore. I had PTSD counselling several years ago, learned to stay grounded where I am. Over time, it stopped even being a struggle, I can stay in the present and not drift off involuntarily. Which is not to say I don't think about it and have aggitation and insomnia, but I don't experience terror, uncontrolled fear, or lose a sense of where I am. It's been a long process. Thanks Mama K! :) You always seem to have the right words when I need them!

What hope can I offer someone recently going through this?

It's not the uphill climb and constant struggle it used to be. There are a lot of symptoms early on in the process that leave you feeling crushed under the weight of the aftermath. I'm certainly more outspoken now and can give voice to those feeling that I do have. I think that is mostly healthy. At least it is healthier than feeling I can't say it out of the need to conform to some misguided false piety. I've also stopped experiencing shame. Freedom from shame, victory over flashbacks, regaining my voice have been steps along the way. It wont feel like this forever. It may feel like it right now, to someone going through this, but you will pass through this.

The objection that talking about it makes people uncomfortable

So? It should make all of us uncomfortable that there is an epidemic of crushing proportions destroying women. It shouldn't be a silent epidemic. Women need to know they are not alone. There needs to be a growing discomfort and a public outrage against this!

My thoughts on the Book "Startling Beauty: My Journey from Rape to Restoration By: Heather Gemmen"

Basically, I am writing down a few unfinished thoughts at 1:20 in the morning. I found this book to be very readable and cliche. It's a good christiany and relatively clean overview with a happy ending. The problem with that is, rape isn't about happy endings. You can't make this story good or happy without sounding stupid. Alright, I aknowledge that this isn't a well thought out book review, and it isn't the final review of the story at all. Just had to throw this out there. It seemed trivialized. She is minimizing the struggle as she writes, any survivor reading this can see all over the page where she just doesn't want to face it in all it's ugliness, brokeness and vile disgusting yuckiness. Reading this book there was an obvious lack of appropriate anger. She never got sufficiently angry with this man. Never dealt with it. You can't really just go straight to forgiving till you can look at what it is you are forgiving! It was so laced with religiousity and niceness that I wanted to gag. There is nothing nice about rape or the situation it creates...the restoration indicated by the title can't be genuine, she's not come anywhere near acknowledging the depth of the loss...you generally have to walk through the deep valleys to get from one peak to the next, it doesn't come so easily. Sure enough, I google her and see what has happened since...her marriage fell apart under the strain of raising a child conceived in rape. This book leaves one feeling the emptiness all the more sharply. It is also triggering, despite it's sappy style. Which leads to still being up thinking about such lovely subjects as past rapes at 1:30 in the morning. Her glibness throughout leaves me feeling really irritated...no mention of her sleepless nights, no night terrors, nightmares, waking up screaming and staying up days on end so you don't have to fall asleep...no flashbacks, no PTSD? How she get off so easy? I truelly wanted to smack everyone in this story...and a few people in my own story...and then myself a few times for being such an angry bitch...but safe to say, I'm in touch with my anger, which is after all nothing more than fear in disguise...a really bad disguise...and a really really run on sentence to complete todays blog entry...that's pretty much all I'm thinkin'. I'll write the real review later on the book reviewer site, maye here too if it is good...let's see if I can fit one more run on sentence into this...yeap, think I just did.

Your 100 Day Prayer: The Transforming Power of Actively Waiting on God, By: John Snyder

Your 100 Day Prayer: The Transforming Power of Actively Waiting On God

By: John Snyder

The title of this book really caught my attention and sums up the basic premise of the book fairly well. Readers are led by the hand through 100 days of directed prayer while actively waiting on the Lord. Each day is structured in the same simple and easy to follow format. A daily scripture verse is followed by a short devotional, a short suggested prayer, and a section to record ones own thoughts for the day. In all, it is just over 200 pages in 100 days.

Anyone can do this and benefit from it, from the newest convert to the oldest Pastor. You will get out of it what you put into it. No book can transform you, the Holy Spirit working in you does that, but this book could be a good spring board for those needing structure on a daily basis to remain consistent in the spiritual disciplines, or those learning to pray, or who don't know where to start. The suggested verses could lead to deeper study on your own. The suggested prayers could get you going when you don't know where to begin. This could be an excellent tool in your spiritual walk. It was very easy to read, wasn't heretical, and very basic. I recommend you get it, use it, read it, but not make it the cornerstone of your spiritual development and prayer life.

http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=9781400203406

http://www.amazon.com/Your-100-Day-Prayer-Transforming/dp/1400203406/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1301063118&sr=1-1

Thomas Nelson, the publisher of this book, has provided me a complimentary copy of this book through Booksneeze in exchange for my honest review.

Seeking Solitude and Silence in a Busy Wired World...

My life is busy. It is noisy. My nerves are fried and I need to cultivate silence and meditation if it is ever going to happen. It wont happen by chance. My kids nap...long naps and all at the same time, they go to bed early. My lack of quiet is my own doing. I need to shut everything off and deal with the things in my mind that I don't want to deal with, to sit in the uncomfortable silence, and be with God. I thought I could do that in a weekend, I can't. I am signing off, though I anticipate returning to blogging and facebooking and texting at some future date. The cell phones are off, the ringer is off on the phone, and I'll be offline. The radio is off, and there hasn't been a TV in 8 years. I will check home phone messages and return calls on an as needed basis. So, I'll be back online again when I can rest comfortably inside my own mind, when I don't need the activity to drown out my thought anymore.

As requested...

Got a couple requests for more kiddo content...and they are such cute kids, how can I say no to sharing the joy with my mommy friends? :) Here is a "little taste", and I will work on something a little more substantial later.

CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IS IN THE MOUTHS???

Suggestions for Me?

"Tell me what you want to hear/something that'll like those ears/I'm sick and probably insincere/I gonna give all my secrets away..."

-One Republic

So, I've tried this blogging thing out for awhile now. You've gotten a taste of my writing.
Comment below or e-mail me and tell me what topics you would like me to write an article on, things you wonder about, what you'd like to see more of on this blog...etc.

Thanks in advance!

Resources For Those Struggling in Domestic Abuse Situations

Resources for Battered Women:
safehavenministries.org
notthisgirl.com
rainn.org

Resources for Men Seeking Rehabilitation:
menscenter.org

Reccomended Reading:
Stop Hurting the Woman You Love; by: Randy Flood
Why Does He DO That?; by: Lundy Bancroft

Insomnia Poetry

In honor of my friends in rape recovery, and those who struggle with PTSD. You are not alone, crazy, stupid, or worthless. You are safe and understood here.

When evening falls

and with it all the disarray

quietly drifts into the fray

and you're not sure you can rest

though it is finally quiet

and you can hear yourself think

you don't like what you have to say

memories rush in

on silent wings like the owl

and stalking steps like a cat's

they leave you as nervous as the mouse

a predator around every corner

every corner of your own mind

when all is still

except your thoughts

and in case your mind ever forgets

your body promises to remember

and you hate it

as much as if it were your own body that betrayed you

and not his

and you wonder how it is

that he sleeps so well at night

with his rested body

and his dark dead soul.

God did not close His eyes

He does not sleep

this has not passed by unnoticed

hold on to hope

He is with the oppressed

A day of righting wrongs is coming

a day of drying tears

a day that is never ending

a day without fears

Hang on tightly

fiercly to the truth

though some would snatch it from you

My God sees me

He cares

and this too shall pass

and everything will be new again.

Rescue? Adoption? These are FARM animals.

I am increasingly irritated by the terms used to describe acquiring animals. I purchase one, or take one off someone's hands free of charge if it is in particularly rough condition. If it is in poor health, I will work to rehabilitate it. I have gotten great deals on animals that needed lots of TLC. Orphans, bottle fed goat kids, emaciated milk goats with lame feet, geese with bad habits, unwanted abandoned ducklings, malnourished bull calf that is a dairy breed and therefore deemed "worthless" and so on, all find a place on our farm. People say things like "adoption", "part of the family", "rescue", "a forever home" (yeah, in my FREEZER). This bothers me because I feel it cheapens adoption. Animals are not a part of my family. They are never in my house. They sleep in the barn.  I only rescue them in the sense that I restore their health so that I can benefit from what they produce, be it milk, eggs or meat. That doe eyed, caramel brown jersey bull calf? He is healthy and fat now, getting fatter. Half of him is going in my freezer and half is going to be sold to line my wallet. Let's not stoop to call that a rescue, it isn't quite philanthropic of me. Those three geese taken to their forever homes...Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Those emaciated milk goats? Gaining rapidly, healthy, walking better and providing me with organic milk and cheeses. Many times I have needed rescued, physically, emotionally, financially, or spiritually. May God protect me from being "rescued" as the animals have been, for the advantage of the rescuer, indebted to them for what I can produce. That is not a rescue, not an adoption. I think we tend to view God like this when He says we are rescued, adopted as sons. We think we are rescued from our freedom and into an indebted bondage of owing our rescuer who has a long list of hard rules for living. We miss that in reality we were already in bondage, that we are eternally freed now to be who we were fully created to be, and adopted as heirs and dearly loved children.

THIS one is going to be TROUBLE!

 I guess all those patterns we show her and sorting the blocks with her IS soaking in!

Daring and Adventuresome Cooking

Nearing the end of summer is so bittersweet. I love the fall but it is so short and ends in winter. In keeping with the bittersweetness of the season, how about some spicy sweet recipes that jazz up the end of summer fruits? I love watermelon when it is fresh, cold, crisp and juicy. Normally, this is my dessert of choice but recently I made it into a spicy side dish to my BBQ chicken and potato salad with fantastic results. Simply squirt lime juice over the watermelon cubes and sprinkle with salt and chili powder. You can eat it just like that, or skewer it and toss it on the grill or campfire if you have one going. If I have a grill going I like to put BBQ sauce on pineapple and sweet potato wedges on skewers too...or lime and chili pepper if you have no bbq sauce...whatever. I like to cut peaches in half and grill them too. You don't need to add anything at all. They are tangy sweet and perfect just the way they are.

I have been loving curries and earthy smells in my vegis, like oyster sauce or lime soy sauce. Whatever is coming out of the garden goes in a wok and gets sizzled awhile and thrown on a plate for lunch. Recently, that means a lot of green and red tomato, okra, eggplant and various summer squash and zucchinis, sweet onions, and apple slices.

If after all this spicy, earthy, tangy, bittersweetness, you have a sweet tooth that is complaining of neglect, it is the perfect season for making all those perfectly ripe red haven peaches into super easy, cheesecake stuffed peaches.

Cheesecake Stuffed Peaches

A dozen peaches, cut in half and pitted, with a little trimmed off the round side so they lay flat on a cookie sheet without rolling around (make it easy on yourself and get freestone peaches)

one melted stick of butter

½ Cup sugar plus 2 tsp. cinnamon shaken together

half pound of soft cheese (I use Fromage Blanc made from goat milk...but cream cheese works too)

½ cup of sugar

2 egg yolks

1½ tsp. Vanilla

1. Coat peaches in butter, lay on a cookie sheet so that the indentation where the pit was is up. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar mix
2. Combine cream cheese, sugar, egg yolks, and vanilla with a medium speed mixer.
3. Fill the peach centers with cheesecake filling and bake at 350* for 30 min. or till browned lightly and soft. Cool and serve.

I would give credit to the magazine my friend clipped this from, altered slightly and sent to me, who doubled the recipe and made it out of goat cheese instead...but I don't know which magazine it was and for that matter...it isn't really the same recipe as when she clipped it. So, try it, feel free to experiment with it...can you make it on a grill or add a squirt of lime, or use almond extract instead of vanilla? I have no idea till I try...and neither do you. (: Don't be confined by the boundaries of a written recipe or you will never discover anything fantastic and new. Tell me how you changed the recipe, and how it turned out...maybe add a touch of raspberry jam on top of the cheesecake filling? Wrapped them in pie crusts like dumplings, omitted the cheesecake entirely and filled the with caramels? Use this as a spring board. Get adventuresome and let me know how it turns out....and save me one to try.  

Love Poems that I Can Relate Too...

A Love Poem from My Text Message Outbox

How do I love you?

Let me count the ways...

I love you to the height and depth my soul can reach.

I love you like my last pancake.

My heart is melted,

unto the likeness of butter,

atop your last pancake.

I love you jealously,

with a love like a girl has

for her brother's silly bands.

I long for you

like a toddler for his stuffed cat

I miss you

like a new mother misses her sleep.

As a crying baby

left in her swing alone

I want your arms around me.

Your empty side of the bed

stings like being snapped by a rubber snake

verily,

even like a whiffle bat to the face.

Comfort me with raisins,

cheerios and fishy crackers

for I am faint with love.

My love for you knows no limits,

like a fat man at Sam's Club

like a child with scotch tape

even as an old dutch woman

at a sample booth.

You have filled my life with joy

as a toddler who runs his own bath water

It overflows from inside me

to the home around us.

Happy As A Hippo? Teaching Emotional Vocabulary at Any Age

People need to label emotions so they can handle them. If we are going to scold a child for the ornery look on their face, we should have already explained what angry or grumpy is. After all, they don't see their own face and if they don't have words to tell you how they feel, they will only have actions to show you how they feel. To really own something, you have to have a name for it. To have control over our emotions, we need to understand how to verbalize them...or they will own us. This is as much true of adults as it is children. I know a lot of people, men and boys especially, that have been neglected in being taught this, who can not identify any emotions past angry, happy, and sad. This essentially limits them to expressing mad, happy or sad feelings. So, here is my list of feelings. I encourage you to look through them. Pick a few, maybe a few every day, and think about what makes you feel that way, and start verbalizing your feelings in those terms. It will really help the people around you, and maybe you yourself, understand you better.

Mad. Angry. Astonished. Rage. Amused. Vengeful. Bitter. Sad. Depressed. Lonely. Confused. Elated. Happy. Joyful. Ornery. Cantankerous (I don't know if this is a word, but my mom says it to describe me frequently). Delighted. Shocked. Free. Inhibited. Subdued. Downcast. Discouraged. Disillusioned. Disappointed. Peaceful. At rest. Numb. Calm. Distraught. Disturbed. Sorrow. Despair. Disinterested. Interesting. Interested. Capable. Agitated. Awe. Reverence. Fear. Terror. Glamorous. Amorous. Inept. Incapable. Wounded. Unlovely. Unloved. Hopeful. Hopeless. Proud. Conceited. Relieved. Exhausted. Flat. Assured. Hurt. Encouraged. Inspired. Cheerful. Relaxed. Satisfied. Pleased. Charmed. Exhilarated. Excited. Stuck. Graceful. Lively. Brave. Courageous. Determined. Wavering. Uncertain. Insecure. Secure. Comfortable. Comforted. Sympathetic. Empathetic. Enthusiastic. Glad. Powerful. Empowered. Overpowered. Trapped. Stable. Unstable. Unsure. Playful. Sexy. Lascivious. Confident. Thrilled. Loved. Adored. Adoring. Loving. Superior. Inferior. Surprised. Cast aside. Forgotten. Forgetful. Forgiving. Anxious. Worried. Stressed. Accomplished.

The list could go on indefinitely. So, next time you have a fantastic day, and you tell someone you are happy...will they grasp what you mean, will you? It really downgrades what you are feeling when lack of emotional vocabulary has limited and taken away from your experience. The same is true of negative emotions...those yucky feelings in your gut that you need to talk out but words fail you...getting more words when words fail you will help you get through what you are feeling stuck in.

Why Are They Wasting School Time Playing with Blocks?

I can't help but be in a great mood after these kids get started on their day. Really, there is nothing I would rather be doing than playing blocks today. We have sorted them by size and shape and color. We have experimented with how many blocks tall our towers can get and which shapes made the best towers. Discoveries dawning on them left and right and watching the light turn on in their little minds is awesome. Shape effects stability. Cubes stack higher than triangles or half circles. Triangles can be put together to make squares. Shape effects stability but color does not! Wow! Half circles can be put together into circles and two arches makes a square with a circle shaped hole and you can fill it with two half circles. The cylinders don't fit in the holes but the half circles do, but they do fit in your eyes sockets till mommy takes them and says "No running with blocks in your eyes". We built castles and highways and railway stations for the train set. We learned spatial relations, colors, sorting, cause and effect, the laws of gravity, shapes, numbers, and pre-literacy skills like copying patterns of shapes and colors from left to right. Children can teach us so much about the joy of learning, doing  things whole heartedly, and taking pleasure in your work. A quick glance into my dining room shows happy children playing. A longer investment of time reveals that they are conducting experiments, testing theories, working with the skills they have, carefully taking in new information and adjusting their techniques to be more effective. The human mind is amazing to watch at work. What a joy and priviledge I have to stay home and teach and play. They are wonderful and there is no where better on earth for me than being here right now.

...Or Your May Feel That Somehow You Lost All Your Fizz

Yet again, "Happy Hippo Angry Duck" describes what I am feeling right now. Drained. Empty. Despondant. Apathetic. Flat. Beaten down. Worn out. Folks frequently compliment me on how laid back I am. Perhaps, they are misreading me. I think overwhelmed may be a more appropriate. If I had more fight in me, I would be a hysterical basketcase, but I am just too tired for that. Religious people would try to make it a spiritual condition. Medical people would look for a physical cause. Mental health professionals would say it is depression. Mom would throw cookies at the problem. Personally, I think I just need to get my coffee in me. I could probably address a deeper issue or two...but if I had more pep and "get up and go" right now, what  would probably feel is rage. Yes, very subdued rage fits what I am feeling today. Do me a favor and don't take this too seriously...I will post later after my coffee.

Read any good books lately...

           A friend of mine suggested that I write a book review, or perhaps a list of what  have found worth reading recently. To be fair, I still find time to read quite a bit. So, here it goes. This morning, I read a short but introspective book on emotions. It helped the reader to really look at what our moods look like and identify where we are 'at'. It was realistic in it's assessment of the feelings and it presented a wide range of them, and ended by encouraging that emotions will change and having a supportive community of friends around you will get you through the ups and downs. The final thought gives a nod to one exception to changing feelings, that the chronically angry and alone tend to stay that way. So, with this in mind I encourage you whole heartedly to reach out to those around you, let go of bitterness, and take the days events for what they are, knowing that every morning is a clean slate. I therefore highly reccomend this book. It is titled "Happy Hippo, Angry Duck" and is available in paperback or board book. Follow up reading to this book, if you have an afternoon naptime alone to spend in quiet reflection, could include "How I Feel" and "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". I strongly suggest identifying how you feel and sculpting the clay animal that best shows that emotion and fingerpainting how your face looks today. (Pictures of these to follow after craft time)

Sometimes Just Doing Things is More Important Than Doing Them Perfectly

 I find myself sitting and reading a copy of the Spring 2011 edition of Chickens magazine. It is actually not a magazine, more a quarterly publication of the Hobby Farms magazine. The subtitle is in fact, “Your Essential Poultry Publication”. I can't imagine that they find an entire booklet full of new information to publish regarding chickens four times a year, but the ads are absolutely fascinating.

I am often reading up on topics I never dreamed existed before. Since moving to our hobby farm with high aspirations of modern homesteading, we have discovered that the learning curve is quite steep. We have also learned that while doing things right is quite expensive, doing things good enough usually is, well, good enough. For example, we do not have a truck or trailer of any sort. We have a mini van with a back seat that comes out. Now, we want to be subsistance farmers, not start a major agribusiness so what to do when you want to pick up two milk goats that live 90 minutes away? Obviously, the answer is not “buy a truck and trailer”. So, with a scrap of plywood for a ramp, and a old roll of canvas tarp material in the back of my mini van we have aquired, from all over the state, the following animal menagerie: 7 ducklings, six Americuana hens (Omgosh they lay green and blue eggs), 9 barred rock hens and a rooster (who was supposed to be a hen when he grew up but turns out he was basically in drag), 10 ISA brown pullets, 5 mixed run Americuana chicks, a mated pair of geese (that turned out to be lesbians...both Linus and Lucy lay eggs), a calf, 2 Alpine goat kids, and (most interesting trip of all) two Nubian goat dams in milk.

So, what was I thinking as I rode home with two goats in the back of my van for an hour and a half? Initially, about raw organic grass fed goat milk, about selling goat milk shares, learning to make cheese, and getting to a point where we don't use grocery stores. At least for the first 15 minutes...that occupied my thoughts quite pleasantly. Then, I began thinking how loud they were, what a strong aroma was coming from my back seat, and what very large animals these were. Then, we passed their usual milking time in transit. They began to get more uncomfortable and vocal. Two angry 150 lbs animals were riding directly behind me, pooping in my van, demanding to be milked. Then it occurred to me...I milked a goat once when I was ten, a few squirts anyway, and I had read about it in my Back to Basics book and my copy of The Backyard Homestead and Mother Earth News. What if...I mean, it occurred to me it was possible, since I never really tried and all...what if I get these animals home, and can't figure out how to get the milk out? I pondered this during the last hour of the drive, feeling increasingly...concerned.

We arrived home after dark, and long after they should have been milked. I pulled them out of my van through the tailgate. The larger of the two looked me over skeptically. I reached out to calm her after her obviously distressing trip and she promptly stomped my sandal clad foot. I did not have a clue what a milkstand looked like, or that we did in fact already have one in the barn. I reached down to milk her and she kicked and pulled away. I tied a rope to her and had Chris hold it. I cornered her and we began this odd dance of kicking and trying not to get stomped while keeping her cornered, but I successfully got all her milk in the bucket. She then plopped her ugly poop covered hoof in the bucket of milk and flung the contents of the bucket (actually the bowl to my stand mixer...good enough, right?) all over me. I repeated this with the second goat and went to bed.

Since then, I have learned that you basically just pour a little grain into a feeder and lock their head into the milk stand and they peacefully munch while I effortlessly milk them. Making cheese has been delicious and worthwhile as well, and we certianly drink more milk these days. I would hate to go back to store bought milk now. I am glad I was foolish enough to try. If I had given into my fears and insecurities, or my impression of goats on that first milking, we would have really missed out. One day I hope to get adequate pasture fencing, because one of my favorite evening places to be is my beautiful wrap around porch facing the sunset...unfortunately this is also their favorite place to be. But, you make due with what you have, be willing to learn as you go, and scrape your porch regularly and for now, it may not be the right way to do things but it is good enough.