Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul, By: Anne Steele

Dear refuge of my weary soul, On Thee, when sorrows rise On Thee, when waves of trouble roll, My fainting hope relies To Thee I tell each rising grief, For Thou alone canst heal Thy Word can bring a sweet relief, For every pain I feel But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail, I fear to call Thee mine The springs of comfort seem to fail, And all my hopes decline Yet gracious God, where shall I flee? Thou art my only trust And still my soul would cleave to Thee Though prostrate in the dust Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face, And shall I seek in vain? And can the ear of sovereign grace, Be deaf when I complain? No still the ear of sovereign grace, Attends the mourner's prayer Oh may I ever find access, To breathe my sorrows there Thy mercy seat is open still, Here let my soul retreat With humble hope attend Thy will, And wait beneath Thy feet, Thy mercy seat is open still, Here let my soul retreat With humble hope attend Thy will, And wait beneath Thy feet

Our Last Great Hope: Awakening The Great Commission, By Ronnie Floyd

Ronnie Floyd takes on the often neglected task of sounding the alarm and waking the sleeping church, reminding them of the high calling of their savior before he left this earth, the great commission. Some books are just deeply satisfying to read. This is not one of those books. In fact, this one stirs a hunger, a ravenous desire, a discontentment with the status quo, and a passion for the advancement of Christ's kingdom and the saving of souls for His glory that has long been missing in popular Christian music, culture and literature.

The author highlights the practical and convicting applications of this command in a challenging book to struggle through in that it holds up our lives to the standard of scripture. It pulled no punches as I faced the truth about myself, and then about the church. As it went on to sound the urgent alarm, it fanned a fire underneath me. It was chapter four that I found the most applicable to my own life, as I examined what the great commission looks like in the home. As a mother, who wants to train my children well and raise them up as disciples, this was powerful and equipping! This is really where this book gripped me. I've never given a book my wholehearted approval in a written review, but this one is excellent. Every Christian, new to the faith or veteran prayer warrior, should pick up this book.

*I recieved a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review, which was not required to be positive.*

For more information or to purchase:

http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=9780849947070

http://www.amazon.com/Our-Last-Great-Hope-Commission/dp/0849947073/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1312827759&sr=1-1

My Knights In Shining Armour are All Women...

I've noticed a major shift in my life recently, that at first seemed almost imperceptible, but I've come to realize reflects a whole new way of being and viewing myself. My life has largely been formed, in positive and negative ways, by the influence of the men in my life, from the very early stages, I knew who I was because of who they were to me and who I was to them. Father, brothers, Uncles, cousins, youth leaders, pastors, employers, husbands, boyfriends...they told me who I was, they provided that steady feedback, sometimes to my benefit, sometimes to my shame and pain, too often to my near destruction. The women all around me were largely ignored, they were just there. My friends were mostly male as well. Then it occurs to me today, all my close friends now are female...and this is a good thing. These people that really matter, that I'm doing life with, that encourage me and challenge me, my knights in shining armour...are women. Even those to whom I am not close but simply observing and learn from, are female but it is my role models, big sister figures, lil' sister substitutes, extra moms and Aunties are holding my world together right now. The things I want to learn, they are best equipped to teach me. The pain I walk through in life, they are best equipped to understand. There is a new openness of communication because their motives are never tainted with the possibility of immoral thoughts or the awkwardness of the gender gap. The people I can best understand are girls who are about to do the stupid things I have done, and maybe they'll listen and go do other stupid things, or maybe they'll chose something nobler. The major events and challenges of my life aren't man centered anymore, they are womanly...and those involved in it are dear sweet women in all different phases and stages of life. It feels good. Everyone needs extra Mamas, Aunties, Sisters, Role Models, Exhorters, Friends...I'm blessed to have so many. Today, I felt wretched, just really sick, and wanted comfort. I didn't want my brother, or my dad...guys are there to fix things that go wrong sure...but I wanted to get online and on the phone and in person, and talk with the women who love me...my Mamas, Aunties and Sisters, who comfort and nurture me...(and my real mom too, but she was busy with the grandbabies, thank you Mom!) It is a big scary world out there, but women make it cozy, they huddle in around you when you need them in ways that men can't. This may seem wrong to some, but there are many ways my female friends know me better than my husband, and understand me differently. AND, I want it that way...a NO BOYS ALLOWED space. I don't hate men, but they change the dynamics just by entering a group or situation, and in some cases, that's not good. A little man free space to grow is good. I'm not saying leave the men out, but they really would rather be playing basketball or hanging out at the bar, or whatever they like, than sitting around sipping herbal teas and quilting, swapping birth stories, and all those other more difficult conversations we have and trials we bear together. I want to get to the teen years of my kids and not regret it, like Kathy Murray and Kay Sheridan. I'd like to hold it together and do what needs done like Dana Scott with her kids. I'd like to know what I think and believe and not give into fear, and serve people around me whether they like it or not like Shirley Miller. I'd like to homeschool my children well and teach them the Bible and to love it and obey it, and run an organized home like Cathy. I'd like the words that come out of my mouth to be nurturing and healing and life giving balm like Mama K. I'd like to be someone strong enough to listen to what my friends are going through, soft enough to be compassionate, firm enough to call it like I see it, wise enough to give good advice but still know when to say "I dunno ask this resource" like Colleen. AND, every now and then, I'd like about half the energy of Stephanie or Kay F...but you know, I've come to far to actually want to be a teenage girl EVER again...but still I love the bubbly effervescence they exude. :) I just never thought I'd experience church in a way that was so womanly. (Though, we are blessed with gifted male teachers, preachers and pastors...that's not what I'm sayin' here, ok) Godly women have become indispensable to me, in a way I've always wanted, and always believed should come from the approval of men. I feel so freed from that, and encouraged, and I feel the approval of my Father God that this spiritual community around me encourages me to go after.

Foamin' Fun?

I have to admit it, this product smells great and the foaming feature is fantastic. Just squeeze the bottle and it shoots prelathered suds out for you. Entertaining? Yes. A must have? Probably not. While I love that the line of baby bath supplies does not contain parabens, sulfates, phthalates and so on, some of the ingredients made me wonder. Unlike the ointment I reviewed earlier, I can't pronounce the ingredients past "water". What is coco-glucoside, sodium lauroyl sacrosine, glycerol oleate, cocamidopropyl, PG-dimonium chloride phosphate, methylchloroisothiazolinone, and methylisothiazolinone? I'm not sure it is something I am going to rub on my baby...not even if the label makes toxin free and natural promises. The ingredients don't sound naturally occuring to me. I don't know though. Do any of you have a PG-dimonium chloride phosphate tree or maybe a methylchlorooisothiazolinone bush hanging around your yard. It's possible. Somehow, "specially formulated with natural, plant based ingredients" doesn't sound right here and I'm not going to spend my whole evening googling it to find out. You can purchase it here:http://www.amazon.com/BabyGanics-Foaming-Soothing-Lavender-10-65-Fluid/dp/B0038QQ7TQ/ref=sr_1_3?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1316919427&sr=1-3 It does smell really great. I used it on myself and it got me clean and was very amusing and foamy. It also made me itchy, wishing I had reviewed the fragrance free one. BUT, hey, *I am not paid for my use or review of this product*, so there is my opinion.

Product Review for BabyGanics Healin' Groovey Non-Petroleum Protective Ointment

*I am not renumerated for my use or review of this product*

I have to say, first and foremost, the number one thing I like about this company is it's committment to quality. This product is fragrance free, contains no parabens, no sulfates, no phthalates, no toxins, no petroleum, no mineral oil, no artificial colors, nut products, glutens, or perfumes. I can pronounce everything in this product, from coconut oil, jojoba oil, lanolin on down, the ingredients look safe enough to eat. Secondly, I liked that this product comes in a big ol' tub! I hate getting the last bit out of a tube. Thirdly, this is useable. It has a pleasant texture that spreads easily. Fourth, it works with cloth diapers. That may sound odd, but if you have cloth diapered long, you realize that petroleum based barrier creams to prevent diaper rash, absorb into cloth diapers and reduce the absorbability of the diaper. This doesn't do that. It also washes out clean on the first rinse. Fifth, it works. One of my children in particular is prone to diaper rash when he wears cloth diapers at night. This completely prevents the rash from ever appearing. If I happen to forget to apply it, well, it helps clear it up pretty quickly too. Overall, I absolutely LOVE this product and give it 5 stars. I burnt myself today, and found it very soothing as well! The only draw back I can see is the cost. When I looked this product up online...well, there was sticker shock. This can be reduced by buying the big ol' ub instead of the tiny tube. Let's face it, if you have a baby, you'll be changing diapers for awhile, you'll use it. Also, you can subscribe to have it sent automatically at a specified interval at a lower rate. This brings it down to about 98 cents an ounce, which seems like a deal to me for the quality of the product. It can be purchased by following this link: http://www.amazon.com/Babyganics-Non-Petroleum-Protective-Ointment-15-Ounce/dp/B004BYUQJQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1316917162&sr=8-1 I think this would make a fantastic baby shower gift basket item for any mom to be.

A Poem I Wrote for My Young Friends

She is an always happy beauty,
who is really very sad.
Who is always in LOVE
with those who treat her bad.
And she thinks they'll make her feel good,
but inside she's empty still
aways reaching out and longing
for what only he can fill.
But she must not know who He is
who will make her lovely still
and she wont see what is happening
and I pray one day she will...

See the little birds all around you
but know that they're not yours
hold on to it loosely
do no harm
and watch it soar

Oh little bird
I want you
I'll break your wings
so you can't fly
little bird then you'll need me
and when you heal
you'll still be mine
and though you may not like it
living in your cage
I'll call it love and I will keep you
into our old age

See the butterfly in the garden
fleeting beauty
gracing your eyes
Snuff it's life and pin it down
kept forever
there she lies.

I call it love and admiration
under glass and on display
and I'll look at you in wonder
and never let you play

Wild flower in the meadow
swaying in a breeze
I'll cut you down
so I can own you
and press you as I please
and my eyes will rest upon you
the pretty object I have made
from what used to be living
now useless and afraid

That's what they do to beauty
void it of it's essence
and keep the empty shell
long after the grace has left
and the dance is long done
you don't care what you have wasted
so long as she's your own

I can not mend the wings
of a bird that will not fly
I can't unpin the monarch
and return it to the sky
and I can not plant the flower
you cut off from her base
and she can not keep on thriving
in this dieing place

So say
"I need ressurection
I need my miracle
I need to put down roots
in places that I know
I need to be connected
to my loving source
till I can not contain it
and life comes spilling forth"

I can't do it for you
but I will tell you what is true
and when you are ready
I'll stand up next to you
and when you are weary
temptations will not end
but I will hold you up in truth
and say that I'm your friend.

Life can be so busy
you hear so many voices
But choose to hear what matters
and make some better choices

For what ever reason, my blog decided not to let me post comments under my entries today. So, here is some follow up on what I posted last night.

Reply to Mama K

I actually don't flashback anymore. I had PTSD counselling several years ago, learned to stay grounded where I am. Over time, it stopped even being a struggle, I can stay in the present and not drift off involuntarily. Which is not to say I don't think about it and have aggitation and insomnia, but I don't experience terror, uncontrolled fear, or lose a sense of where I am. It's been a long process. Thanks Mama K! :) You always seem to have the right words when I need them!

What hope can I offer someone recently going through this?

It's not the uphill climb and constant struggle it used to be. There are a lot of symptoms early on in the process that leave you feeling crushed under the weight of the aftermath. I'm certainly more outspoken now and can give voice to those feeling that I do have. I think that is mostly healthy. At least it is healthier than feeling I can't say it out of the need to conform to some misguided false piety. I've also stopped experiencing shame. Freedom from shame, victory over flashbacks, regaining my voice have been steps along the way. It wont feel like this forever. It may feel like it right now, to someone going through this, but you will pass through this.

The objection that talking about it makes people uncomfortable

So? It should make all of us uncomfortable that there is an epidemic of crushing proportions destroying women. It shouldn't be a silent epidemic. Women need to know they are not alone. There needs to be a growing discomfort and a public outrage against this!

My thoughts on the Book "Startling Beauty: My Journey from Rape to Restoration By: Heather Gemmen"

Basically, I am writing down a few unfinished thoughts at 1:20 in the morning. I found this book to be very readable and cliche. It's a good christiany and relatively clean overview with a happy ending. The problem with that is, rape isn't about happy endings. You can't make this story good or happy without sounding stupid. Alright, I aknowledge that this isn't a well thought out book review, and it isn't the final review of the story at all. Just had to throw this out there. It seemed trivialized. She is minimizing the struggle as she writes, any survivor reading this can see all over the page where she just doesn't want to face it in all it's ugliness, brokeness and vile disgusting yuckiness. Reading this book there was an obvious lack of appropriate anger. She never got sufficiently angry with this man. Never dealt with it. You can't really just go straight to forgiving till you can look at what it is you are forgiving! It was so laced with religiousity and niceness that I wanted to gag. There is nothing nice about rape or the situation it creates...the restoration indicated by the title can't be genuine, she's not come anywhere near acknowledging the depth of the loss...you generally have to walk through the deep valleys to get from one peak to the next, it doesn't come so easily. Sure enough, I google her and see what has happened since...her marriage fell apart under the strain of raising a child conceived in rape. This book leaves one feeling the emptiness all the more sharply. It is also triggering, despite it's sappy style. Which leads to still being up thinking about such lovely subjects as past rapes at 1:30 in the morning. Her glibness throughout leaves me feeling really irritated...no mention of her sleepless nights, no night terrors, nightmares, waking up screaming and staying up days on end so you don't have to fall asleep...no flashbacks, no PTSD? How she get off so easy? I truelly wanted to smack everyone in this story...and a few people in my own story...and then myself a few times for being such an angry bitch...but safe to say, I'm in touch with my anger, which is after all nothing more than fear in disguise...a really bad disguise...and a really really run on sentence to complete todays blog entry...that's pretty much all I'm thinkin'. I'll write the real review later on the book reviewer site, maye here too if it is good...let's see if I can fit one more run on sentence into this...yeap, think I just did.

Your 100 Day Prayer: The Transforming Power of Actively Waiting on God, By: John Snyder

Your 100 Day Prayer: The Transforming Power of Actively Waiting On God

By: John Snyder

The title of this book really caught my attention and sums up the basic premise of the book fairly well. Readers are led by the hand through 100 days of directed prayer while actively waiting on the Lord. Each day is structured in the same simple and easy to follow format. A daily scripture verse is followed by a short devotional, a short suggested prayer, and a section to record ones own thoughts for the day. In all, it is just over 200 pages in 100 days.

Anyone can do this and benefit from it, from the newest convert to the oldest Pastor. You will get out of it what you put into it. No book can transform you, the Holy Spirit working in you does that, but this book could be a good spring board for those needing structure on a daily basis to remain consistent in the spiritual disciplines, or those learning to pray, or who don't know where to start. The suggested verses could lead to deeper study on your own. The suggested prayers could get you going when you don't know where to begin. This could be an excellent tool in your spiritual walk. It was very easy to read, wasn't heretical, and very basic. I recommend you get it, use it, read it, but not make it the cornerstone of your spiritual development and prayer life.

http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=9781400203406

http://www.amazon.com/Your-100-Day-Prayer-Transforming/dp/1400203406/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1301063118&sr=1-1

Thomas Nelson, the publisher of this book, has provided me a complimentary copy of this book through Booksneeze in exchange for my honest review.