Have you ever wanted to say something appropriate, to convey empathy and comfort to a friend going through crisis? Maybe a serious loss, life altering medical diagnosis, trauma, or crime has occured. You find yourself either speechless or saying stupid hurtful cliches. (If you EVER find yourself saying "All things work together for good..." to a rape victim, or "It's probably better, the baby would likely have been deformed" to a grieving mother...smack yourself, read and print this list, carry it in your wallet)
Choose One that fits the situation, say it, and shut up for awhile. Tip your head to the side slightly and nod sympathetically when the person talks.
I'm sad with you over this situation.
I am sorry this happened to you.
I believe you.
You are safe here.
It is alright to mourn what you have lost.
It is normal to feel ________. (Whatever they seem to feel, betrayed, hurt, angry, sad, lonely)
I'm here to listen. (Then, you shut up and listen or it doesn't count)
I don't have the answers right now, but I'll help you find out.
Are you safe now?
How are you sleeping since ________ happened?
What are your concerns?
I'm glad you told me.
You are not alone, not anymore.
You didn't deserve to be treated that way.
You are not to blame.
You are not responsible for _______'s behavior.
I am so glad you survived it, you mean so much to me.
Can I pray with you?
What do you want to happen now and how can I help?
It is ok to feel angry sometimes...even healthy.
There will be better days ahead, hold on!
These are just a few of the safe things to say, to convey support and love. Try them out! It works so much better than saying something stupid!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Healing Is a Choice By: Stephen Arterburn
“Healing Is A Choice” is a classic Christian self-help book. It was recently republished with some nice new elements to it, and here I am reviewing it. The basic premis of the book is that, healing is indeed a choice, that we can stay mired in our woundedness and fester, or we can choose to heal. This book highlights ten decisions that the author finds critical to make in the healing process, and ten lies that keep us from making those healing choices.
The new revised and updated version of this book incorporates the workbook into the book. I suppose this is handy, in that it keeps them together. However, being somewhat of a bibliophile, I like to keep my books clean and nice. If I really like a book, I like to pass it on to someone who will enjoy it or benefit from it as much as I did, and I like to pass it on in good condition. I also tend to mark up my workbooks, highlight, write in the margins, and journal about things I don't wish to pass along to my friends. So, for me, having the workbook in the text is a drawback.
Finally, I am not sure the book “works”. Maybe, I'm just not in a place to accept what it says. I'm ok with that possibly being the case. I am just not sure that healing is a choice. Sometimes, pain is inevitable, and there isn't much we can do to recover from some things. I think that is the brokenness of life that makes us long for our heavenly home, where we will be completely healed and eternally well in our bodies and souls. This is the healing I long for, that I don't think we often get this side of heaven. I think it is not a choice on our part really. We hold up nothing but empty wounded hands, and God graciously pours out blessings, forgiveness, grace, and healing because of the finished work of Christ on our behalf. I feel a bit ambivalent about the book, but it is well written, and it may be my own woundedness that keeps me from recommending it whole heartedly.
I was given a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=9780785232438
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