My Knights In Shining Armour are All Women...

I've noticed a major shift in my life recently, that at first seemed almost imperceptible, but I've come to realize reflects a whole new way of being and viewing myself. My life has largely been formed, in positive and negative ways, by the influence of the men in my life, from the very early stages, I knew who I was because of who they were to me and who I was to them. Father, brothers, Uncles, cousins, youth leaders, pastors, employers, husbands, boyfriends...they told me who I was, they provided that steady feedback, sometimes to my benefit, sometimes to my shame and pain, too often to my near destruction. The women all around me were largely ignored, they were just there. My friends were mostly male as well. Then it occurs to me today, all my close friends now are female...and this is a good thing. These people that really matter, that I'm doing life with, that encourage me and challenge me, my knights in shining armour...are women. Even those to whom I am not close but simply observing and learn from, are female but it is my role models, big sister figures, lil' sister substitutes, extra moms and Aunties are holding my world together right now. The things I want to learn, they are best equipped to teach me. The pain I walk through in life, they are best equipped to understand. There is a new openness of communication because their motives are never tainted with the possibility of immoral thoughts or the awkwardness of the gender gap. The people I can best understand are girls who are about to do the stupid things I have done, and maybe they'll listen and go do other stupid things, or maybe they'll chose something nobler. The major events and challenges of my life aren't man centered anymore, they are womanly...and those involved in it are dear sweet women in all different phases and stages of life. It feels good. Everyone needs extra Mamas, Aunties, Sisters, Role Models, Exhorters, Friends...I'm blessed to have so many. Today, I felt wretched, just really sick, and wanted comfort. I didn't want my brother, or my dad...guys are there to fix things that go wrong sure...but I wanted to get online and on the phone and in person, and talk with the women who love me...my Mamas, Aunties and Sisters, who comfort and nurture me...(and my real mom too, but she was busy with the grandbabies, thank you Mom!) It is a big scary world out there, but women make it cozy, they huddle in around you when you need them in ways that men can't. This may seem wrong to some, but there are many ways my female friends know me better than my husband, and understand me differently. AND, I want it that way...a NO BOYS ALLOWED space. I don't hate men, but they change the dynamics just by entering a group or situation, and in some cases, that's not good. A little man free space to grow is good. I'm not saying leave the men out, but they really would rather be playing basketball or hanging out at the bar, or whatever they like, than sitting around sipping herbal teas and quilting, swapping birth stories, and all those other more difficult conversations we have and trials we bear together. I want to get to the teen years of my kids and not regret it, like Kathy Murray and Kay Sheridan. I'd like to hold it together and do what needs done like Dana Scott with her kids. I'd like to know what I think and believe and not give into fear, and serve people around me whether they like it or not like Shirley Miller. I'd like to homeschool my children well and teach them the Bible and to love it and obey it, and run an organized home like Cathy. I'd like the words that come out of my mouth to be nurturing and healing and life giving balm like Mama K. I'd like to be someone strong enough to listen to what my friends are going through, soft enough to be compassionate, firm enough to call it like I see it, wise enough to give good advice but still know when to say "I dunno ask this resource" like Colleen. AND, every now and then, I'd like about half the energy of Stephanie or Kay F...but you know, I've come to far to actually want to be a teenage girl EVER again...but still I love the bubbly effervescence they exude. :) I just never thought I'd experience church in a way that was so womanly. (Though, we are blessed with gifted male teachers, preachers and pastors...that's not what I'm sayin' here, ok) Godly women have become indispensable to me, in a way I've always wanted, and always believed should come from the approval of men. I feel so freed from that, and encouraged, and I feel the approval of my Father God that this spiritual community around me encourages me to go after.